thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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