her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
