I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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