somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
"it" just moved
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
