i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
