3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We were destined to go to rehab together
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
