All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
