So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
