kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
