you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
