I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
