the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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