I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
