everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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