turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Four minutes until I can fart!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
