So drunk its hurt
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
