watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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