What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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