I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
