Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
