i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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