Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
