He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
