You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just invented taco cereal.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
