Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
