Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
