Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
