you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
