Just cropdusted the office
zippers are such a cool invention
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
