Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize
