just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
