The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
