Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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