Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
thus making me awesome and them whores
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
