All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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