He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
