it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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