When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
