Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
