you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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