So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
