Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
