Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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