So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
