Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
