My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
