He told me they were just razor bumps!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
