All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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