I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Even my vagina gasped.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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