Got a toothbrush?
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
