he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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