Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
