'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
