Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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