This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
